How To Ensure We Are Raising Boys, To Be Men
The Day My Son Became a Man.
My heart is so full at this moment….
Today I woke up to my son in the kitchen making breakfast.
I said, “Awe you’re making yourself an omelet?”
He says, ”No... it’s for you.”
I just couldn’t believe that he was doing this for me.
He said, “I made it just how you like it, one egg and the rest egg whites. I even put some meat and cheese in it.”
This was his first omelet he ever made and to see that he put time and thought into it, just struck me to my core.
He then said, “I wanted to surprise you and put a note on your door and have it all ready when you woke up. That way you were surprised and I would already be at school”.
I was dumbfounded. I didn’t even know what to say. I was speechless. Soon he will be fifteen years old, and reflecting back on my life the last year and a half.
This is why it had to change.
Seeing the fruits of my labor is priceless. This is the behavior that my husband now shows me but not long ago he would have never...and I mean Never do something so nice for me.
My husband hates when I use the word never but when you know it to be true never sticks out in your mind.
I accepted such bad behavior from my husband and knowing that this was the example my kids were having was just not acceptable anymore.
I wanted my boys to see a man who treated me with love and respect. I wanted my daughter to know that this is how a man is supposed to treat you.
That way it just wouldn’t feel right if she found a boy who didn’t treat her right. She would just know because of how she saw me be treated.
The cycle had to STOP.
I seen so much mistreatment on both sides with my own parents. And so I would be damned if my kids would grow up with the same behavior patterns.
The day I left my husband I remember the complete disconnect between my children and I.
They were all supposed to give my husband and myself a 10 second hug.
However, each one pulled away from me long before 10 seconds had passed. It broke my heart, but I knew that this was a big part in why this had happened.
It saddened me to see this and I said, “ I would rather my kids have all of me part of the time, than none of me all of the time.”
The months to follow were lonely to say the least, but I learned to be alone and happy.
THAT IS THE KEY!
If you can be completely alone and be happy with yourself, then you have arrived.
Love is an internal thing. If you can love yourself, by yourself, then the love of someone else just magnifies what you already have.
You don’t need a person but you want a person in your life, to add to and not take away.
I decided that my kids would feel complete love when they are with me because I would truly be happy. No longer would they see me accepting this bad behavior day in and day out thinking it’s normal.
I know it wasn’t all his fault because looking back I didn’t know how to let anyone love me, let alone a man.
I just did what I saw growing up, it felt normal to me. But what I did was totally against everything I was taught. I put me first.
I wouldn’t allow anyone in my life that didn’t respect me anymore.
I got so many messages from family and friends trying to guilt me back home. You know what I did? I ignored them or blocked them if I had to. I even stopped following most of my family on Facebook.
I know this seems harsh but what result would it have been to just go home because of guilt? This is my life!!!! If I’m not happy then why am I going home?
To make other people happy?!?!
Making others happy and forgetting about myself was what I had been doing my whole life.
I guess they thought this was easy for me. However now I can sit and see how my husband and boys treat me and think wow we have come a long way.
The competitiveness between my husband and my sons is amazing to me.
Who can make me happy seems to be the theme every day.
In the evenings we sit and do something called highs and lows. They tell us their high of the day and their low of the day. I think they all want to see if they are included in my high for the day.
It was all worth it for this moment. I know that sometimes life has to send us a jolt to wake us up from the dynamic that is killing our spirit.
What I did may seem extreme or completely taboo to some people but once I realized what was holding me back in my life and suffocating me I ran as fast as I could.
Anything that felt like the old me, I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed it to feel different. I became more aware of how things felt, versus how they looked to me.
I felt that things were the same, and until they felt different I wasn’t willing to take him back.
In fact, I told him to move on because I didn’t want to change him. That would be unfair to him.
Not to mention that’s what I had been trying to do our whole marriage. I didn’t want to be that girl anymore.
And if we were ever to get back together it would be as two completely different people.
Lucky for us….. we did get back together as two completely different people.
He began to change and grow quickly with me.
That is what it takes for a successful relationship. Two growth minded people growing in love and understanding together.
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