How To Get Him Off The Couch And Helping Me?
Updated: Aug 13, 2018
I hear this question a lot.
And I remember those days… waiting for some kind of motivation on his part to do ANYTHING to help me.
I remember washing dishes and trying to feed the kids at the same time, or cooking supper while he sat in front of the TV.
I remember asking him to come in and talk to me while I cooked supper. He didn’t even have to help me cook, just keep me company.
I could have made a big deal and made him do it (usually with enough complaining or pleading he would finally move)... but that’s not what I wanted.
I wanted him to want to help me -- to see my need or frustration, and come to the rescue.
Was that so much to ask?
I can only sigh so loud for so long… jeesh!
I want to go deeper this time, and talk about what’s really going on here.
I want to address why we’re working so hard in the first place (aside from the fact that someone has to do it).
Too often in relationships, we are coming from a place of people-pleasing, and that’s what’s happening here.
We’re trying to “earn” love and validation from ourselves and others.
This constant attempt to prove our worth is actually a deep-seated abandonment issue from childhood.
As children, most of us got used to searching for “unconditional” love from the adults who raised us by trying to please them and looking for their approval -- but now, as adults ourselves, this “Over-functioning” is harming our relationships. Your man may not realize exactly what’s going on with you, but he knows it doesn’t feel right.
He also knows that if he were to step in and help:
-He wouldn’t do it right (resulting in him feeling shame). -Your claws may come out because he’s in the way. -It’s not going to lighten your load anyway, because you’ll still find 100 other things to do and keep yourself stressed-out.
Now -- if you were to actually relax and enjoy the love he’s offering you -- that would be a different story.
But that’s not what happening here.
He’s checked out because he’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t.
If this scenario sounds familiar, and you want some guidance on how to turn this around -- I’m here to help.
End the frustration.
Calm your environment.
And let me bring help your way.
Get him off the couch and taking the lead in the chorus, grocery shopping, dinner and much more.
You’re Always Loved, Rogue