Christmas is just around the corner AGAIN…
I used to be the queen of buying presents.
I could always manage to think of the best gifts for my husband.
The weekend in Chicago for his 30th birthday, the Harley Davidson I surprised him with, the rifle, the expensive watches, The Dewalt tool set….the list goes on and on.
I was always thinking of the best gifts to outdo the one from the year before.
Gifts are not a bad thing at all — but if you’re hoping that gifts can buy you happiness, no wonder you’re doing this too.
Think of the energy I invested in the thought, the money, the time… I had to save for months to buy most of those gifts.
This was a clear sign that I wanted love and wasn’t getting what I needed.
Subconsciously I was trying to send a signal for what I needed.
Gifting was a form of love in my home as a kid — and as an adult, I still wanted to be given gifts so I could feel loved.
In a way, it felt good to give… but when I didn’t feel gifted back in return, it felt heartbreaking.
It felt like a constant test and reminder that “I’m not loved.”
I’m not saying that you aren’t loved if you don’t get expensive gifts.
But by trying to outdo your man, you are constantly setting yourself up for rejection and for that awful feeling of being unloved.
How can he ever compete with that?
Women are naturally more creative, and when we tap into that feminine side of ourselves, our minds can take us to endless possibilities.
I would venture to say that he wants to buy you things and be romantic with the things he could plan or do.
But when we’re angry at him because we feel we haven’t “gotten back” the same effort we’ve put in — he feels shame, he feels “not enough,” and this is destroying his motivation to step up.
What if you toned-down your gifting to him this year?
What if you got him something simple… like his favorite dessert, and sexy pics of you in a little black book? Something meaningful, and above all, simple.
If this were to happen how would you feel when you opened up your favorite Victoria’s Secret underwear and maybe a beautiful necklace?
Can you see how much better he might feel knowing that he didn’t have to endure the let down this holiday season where he has to feel inadequate (not enough)?
This will not be easy to do the first couple times.
I physically had to tell myself to NOT buy things the first year or so… lol.
But this is one thing you can do to make him feel like THE MAN and let his masculine energy shine.
P.S. To check in with yourself to make sure you don’t overdo it, ask yourself “what is he most likely to buy me this year?” If it’s nothing then maybe buy him a pack of gum… lol. Just kidding! Let’s assume it will be SOMETHING. Whatever comes to mind — even if it’s on a small scale — then your scale should be just a little smaller.
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Much Love To You This Holiday Season, Rogue